Do I Deserve to Be Here?

Do I deserve to be here? Do I deserve the life I have now?

I ask myself that sometimes. There are moments when words slip out that were never meant to be spoken—and once spoken, they can’t be taken back. You have to live with what was done.

But in those moments, I remember: God is the giver of life. He really does hold the whole world in His hands. He looks at us, sees our imperfections, and still calls us to admit them and walk in the path He shows us.

The Lord sent His Son, Jesus, to walk this earth perfectly—showing grace and love to all people. In Him, every promise written has been confirmed and fulfilled.

So when the questions creep in—Do I deserve this life? Do I even belong here?—I rest in the truth: I don’t have to deserve it. Jesus already did the work I never could. My place here, my purpose, my breath—it’s all grace.

As Scripture reminds us:

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

—Romans 5:8

And that’s enough reason to keep walking, not in shame, but in gratitude.

I haven’t wrote in a while

I guess I am going to say this was me being quiet from writing my words , instead of writing everything was loud enough and telling myself to slowdown , my encouragement of my writing has been passed down to my youngest teen son , he has learned lessons of life that ensures him confidence it’s a beautiful thing to write , I said to him the other day write down your prayers , life goals and apologies to anyone who you wronged. It clears the mind free of worries,remember that we are all imperfect humans who needs to grow and learn how to accept quietness.

It’s a choice to be in relationship with someone.

It’s a choice to settle for everything they say—or not.

It’s a choice to believe everything they claim is correct—or not.

When I think about my father, I hear assumptions from people: “Well, your mom wasn’t communicating with him, so what could he do?”

But stop assuming that.

Circumstances may have kept them from being together as a couple, but they didn’t have to be together for him to be a father. My mom could have said:

She is still your child. You can still care for her. You can still visit her, and she can visit you. You can introduce her to her grandmother, her brother, her sister, her aunties, her cousins—so she can have them in her life.

That’s what love does. Love makes room. Love doesn’t shrink down into excuses—it stretches wide with compassion and understanding.

Because God is love.

And fatherhood, just like marriage, is a choice. You choose to step into that role. You choose to stay. You choose to show up.

So don’t say “God gave me to you” as if that excuses absence. God did give me life, but He never gave me to neglect. He never gave me to abandonment. He gave me to love.

And here’s the truth that heals me even in the ache:

God loves me.

God forgives me.

God holds me.

Even when others choose absence, He chooses presence.

Even when people let go, He never releases His grip.

“Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.”

—Psalm 27:10

So I grieve, but I also grow.

I hurt, but I also heal.

Because my identity was never anchored in a man’s choice—it has always been secure in God’s.

Day 1

Why do I tell my close friend very personal things ? As if they can give me instructions and wave a wand so that the mess falls away ?Why do I mistakenly hurt a friend feelings when I know good and well that friend loves me through more than enough actions.Why do I procrastinate having a face to face apology with the friend I know I hurt.Why am I not multitasking and praying for my friendships all while focusing on my other daily tasks

I can Forget a ton of Things like
“Why was I boiling water again ? “
“Was I going to make spaghetti tonight or Fried chicken with Baked Potatoes or Mash Potatoes
“What am I wearing today “where is my glasses ? Where is my van keys ? Oh no
BUT ONE THING I WILL NEVER FORGET IS THE DAY my lil sis Martha Antoinette Williams was born September 22,1989 ♡☆(Tomorrow will be 25 years old ) I love You and Miss you sis
She passed away on October 16,2007

Blessedaretheythatmourn

“”Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

– ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/59/mat.5.4.esv

Challenge is the word for this week for the five minutes challenge 

The word challenge is when something is a goal that is difficult 

Maybe not not difficult sometimes but different 

day to day choices we are normally making 

Challenged by the husband and his moods of Not liking the veggies made for dinner along side the chicken 

Challenged by rebellious teens who loves to have earpieces attached to their ears and don’t want to spend a moment of time with you because you are in their eyes a nagging mom

Challenged by that fact you members at your local church fellowshipping with each other and you wished you had the time to bond more with such sweet friends 

Challenged by your jobs demands

Challenged by praying more for others and not just your self 

There are challenges in life we all must take and I am happy that i am on a road of challenges in my life that i am taking 

Very grateful for growth through these challenges 

And one of them which is writing this blog for others blogging  see how much i want to succeed 

Start is simple from beginning at the start up line from elementary p.e. Class to learning that the test in Highschool won’t start until the teacher ring. the bell and when you are ready to drive start happens when you have to go to through the green light or when you start and begin your new job

Another thing to start is there is always an end

Just like the beginning of the world we learn in Genesis and the end of the world we have not seen but we know there will be an end in Revelations

The last book of the Bible

I started something like writing my blog and didn’t finish it

I hope this is the beginning of a great start and I keep going with this accomplishment as summer ends and Fall begins soon

Name

People often say, “Your name is different.” Some even wrinkle their faces, as if they aren’t sure what to make of it. I first noticed that in elementary school. That’s when the questions started: “How did you get your name?”

Back then, I’d sit at my momma’s feet in the evenings, waiting for dinner or watching our family shows before bedtime, and I’d bring those questions to her. Usually in my high-pitched, whining voice. She’d stop me first: “Quit whining, I’ll answer you.” Then she’d tell me the story.

My mom explained that she and my aunt came up with my name while she was pregnant, already dreaming about who I’d be. She wanted to honor her mother—my grandmother, Stella—who had passed away when my mom was only eleven. Since boys are often named after men in the family and carry on a “Jr.” title, she wanted to do something similar for her daughter.

She loved the name Christina—and many of her friends were naming their daughters that at the time—but she wanted something more personal. So she gave it a twist. She blended “Stella” into the name and made me Cristella.

She also made a deliberate choice: no “H.” People often assume my name is spelled wrong and try to put one in, but she wanted it exactly this way. I remember struggling to explain that to my kindergarten and first-grade teachers, who insisted we practice writing our names without errors. I had to fight for my name to stand as it was.

Now I’ve grown to love it. I wear it with confidence. So when people give me odd looks, I simply smile and say:

“I’m named after my grandma. Her name was Stella, and my name is Cristella.”

But the most important thing about me is not just my name—it’s my faith. A man named Jesus gave me an identity far greater than any name.

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer.

But this I know with all my heart:

His wounds have paid my ransom.

“I’m feeling terrible—I couldn’t feel worse! Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember? When I told my story, you responded; train me well in your deep wisdom. Help me understand these things inside and out so I can ponder your miracle-wonders. My sad life’s dilapidated, a falling-down barn; build me up again by your Word. Barricade the road that goes Nowhere; grace me with your clear revelation. I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post your road signs at every curve and corner. I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; GOD, don’t let me down! I’ll run the course you lay out for me if you’ll just show me how.”

-‭Psalm‬ ‭119:30‬‬ msg version

Lord I thank you for such a beautiful weekend! I enjoyed my time with sisters in my local church at our first women’s retreat.

It was a blessing I really enjoyed hearing from God through the messages of the speaker Jan Chinn. Jan spoke on Identity, Community, and Growing in Christ.

What pricked my heart the most this weekend was about community and withdrawing. I could be definitely doing a lot better in making myself friendly to newer people I see come to church. I can definitely work on hospitality and invite a sister or two over for a meal as we are getting to know one another. A sister I mentioned this to encouraged me by explaining to me her observations of my actions in being apart of the church community ,”you do a great job in fellowshipping by making yourself present, you go through trials and you don’t pull away in fact you ask the local body for help when you need help”. I was thankful for her mention of these things

I went to God’s word to see how he sees me.

Just because you are going through trials doesn’t give you a excuse to stop having community with your local church.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,” “for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” “And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

-James 1:2-4